


the dog days are done (so you'd better run)

by MyShameMachine



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Some angst, Tags Are Hard, me projecting on beau, mild spoiler for episode 47 i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-05-14 13:51:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19274638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyShameMachine/pseuds/MyShameMachine
Summary: Sometimes, it just gets lonely. But not everyone is really your friend.If it hurts, it hurts.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this actually happened to me. I projected it onto Beau. That's the fic.
> 
> Also all my italics vanished, but anyway. Here y'all go.
> 
> Title from "Dog Days are Over" by Florence + The Machine

Beau couldn't stand Kent at all. She had cut ties. Fuck him. She doesn't care.

 

It hadn't started like that.

There'd been a meeting of the not quite nobility, and a ball. Beau remembers that it was hot in her dress, and she would have been uncomfortable in all the swishy fabric anyway. 

Someone had tapped her shoulder. Beau had turned, ready to snarl, when she saw the fine blacksmith's son. She didn't know his name, but she'd seen him before. The family had recently moved here from Exandria, but Beau had seen some of the pieces.

Homemaking had always been a chore, but the pieces were beautiful.

"Hey," He'd said, looking almost bashful, the- "I'm Kent, the new ironworker's son?" Kent offered her a glass of wine.

Beau had taken it warily, winced at the taste. Look, any other cheaper booze was okay by her, but you never get off the fine wines. 

He'd chuckled, and maybe Beau had found it a little funny too.

"You really are a wine maker's child, aren't you? Beau, isn't it?" Kent had asked, and maybe Beau should have been more suspicious.

"Yeah, guess so, man." Beau doesn't remember setting down the glass, but she must have, because it wasn't in her hand after.

Beau hadn't really been paying attention to him,and she looked up at the chandelier. It was well-made, and not too fancy.

"I made that, you know. The chandelier." Kent had said, and Beau had been startled. She hadn't expected him to keep speaking to her, and that chandelier looked complicated for people as young as them. 

"That's pretty cool. Wish I could make something like that." There couldn't be any harm in a compliment.

Beau doesn't really remember what they talk about next, but she does remember Kent asking for an address.

"Hey, Beau," Kent had asked, "What's your address? We're only a town apart, I can write you!" And he had seemed pretty okay, so Beau agreed, giving him her address.

"But," Beau added,"no romantic stuff-"

"Beauregard!" Her mother called across the room.

"I'm not interested in men." Beau finished, hurriedly, about to see why her mother was upset.

Kent nodded. She knows he did. So maybe the last bit was indistinct, he had to have heard the first bit.

No romantic stuff. 

And he'd agreed.

And he did write her. Beau had been so fucking excited.

It was mostly more silly talk, like had been exchanged at the party. 

Then he offered to come visit, and, and, someone was finally being friendly, and Beau's parents agreed because it was a boy and Beau had finally shown interest in a boy. 

So Kent had visited. 

They talked, became friends.

(Finally someone got her, finally someone didn't mind her) 

Sometimes it was awkward, like the time Kent complimented her dress, said girls didn't wear dresses like that where he lived, and Beau swallowed a curl of bile. But all friendships were like that, he couldn't have known. 

But in hindsight, maybe there were things she should have noticed.

It didn't matter.

Kent tells her he believes in true love, which should have been a red flag. Beau tells him she doesn't, but does believe in nihilism.

He laughs.

The same day, she gets a letter. He doesn't even tell her in person.

Beau remembers every detail of that conversation.

Kent asked her out, and said she could write on the paper to reply.

Fear had spindled through her.

Beau writes that she only likes women, but she is flattered.

(Can she save this please why she said no romance)

Kent asks if she's sure.

Yes, she is. And she won't apologize for it.

Kent wrote quickly.

I was first attracted to your appearance.

Beau does her best to be too masculine to attract boys. 

She says nothing.

Another girl who looked like you rejected me and was really manipulative. Somehow, this hurt worse.

Another girl who was like Beau?

She wouldn't hurt anyone like that.

But… how does this hurt worse? She just doesn't like boys, how is that so hurtful? Beau doesn't understand.

Nobody else likes me.

Well, that's not true. So many people talk to him. Not Beau. 

But she apologizes, because what else is she supposed to do?

Don't tell anyone. Let's go back to everyone hating me.

People don't hate him.

She tells him so. She cannot afford to lose the one friend she has.

Goodbye, let me process this.

Okay.

(Why did he do this in the first place)

She doesn't understand.

But this is what she has.

The next time she had walked into town, boys jeered at her, and Kent had stood right by. Right there.

They knew.

Kent told them.

What the fuck?

She didn't fucking say anything, just hurried home. 

Like a coward.

Kent starts to be everywhere she looks.

He knows where Beau is during each time of day.

She'd never told him that, but maybe he'd just looked. Or asked. Right?

He said she was the only one he could talk to, that nobody else understood him.

The jeering boys flash through her head, but her mother calls her away. 

(Beau is so scared but he likes her, she can't object)

Until he says he wanted to hang himself when she turned him down.

And fuck, but she didn't need that.

Beau told him to go away, to stop talking to her.

He kept trying for a few days before he stops.

(Beau is still scared of him. But fuck that. He isn't worth that. )

She catches him telling racist jokes in a bar. Fuck that too.

She had decided to get angry. Drink. Punch things. Kiss girls. Make friends with a bunch of assholes who agree Kent could stand being a little less rich.

(So why does she still feel guilty? Is it because she didn't explain anything? Is she actually wrong? Beau doesn't know, but she did feel guilty)

She felt guilty the first night she gets in a bar fight, when the face she punches seems to blur into Kent's.

She's guilty when she sees him walking by, surrounded by friends.

She's guilty the first time she sleeps with a girl.

She's still guilty.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided Beau needed to tell the M9. Have fun, y'all.
> 
> Also, I'm a few episodes behind, so take that into account.

They're drinking one day, and Jester keeps giggling and asking everybody questions. She's not drinking, which is kind of unfair, but whatever.

Beau doesn't really mind the half-invasive questions, not at first. For all her emotional inexperience, Jester is always trying to make people happy. And that means making sure they aren't too uncomfortable.

She's startled out of her monologue by Jester's voice.

"Hey, Beau, who was the first person who asked you ouuutttt?" Jester asks, and Beau stiffens.

"Doesn't matter." It comes out harsher than she meant for it to.

Beau lifts her tankard to her lips, then slams it back down.

"Oh." Jester stops short. "Are you okay, then, Beau?"

"Fine." It was best to keep it brusque.

"You can trust us with anything, you know." Fjord hiccups slightly, looking vaguely at her through a gentle drunken haze.

Beau drummed her fingers on the table. Hesitated.

"Yeah, alright."

It all comes pouring out of her in an instant. Nobody interrupted her. How she had almost felt understood. How scared she had been. How guilty she felt.

Probably not the best thing to spill while drunk, but whatever.

It was quiet for a minute afterward.

"I'm sorry." The whisper came from across the room. Beau hadn't realized Caleb was listening, but now she could see his jaw clench and his hand tighten around the pen in his hand.

"Like I said, it's fine. Really, man." Beau tried to take another sip of her tankard, realizing it was empty. Her throat was dry.

"Have mine." Nott passed her the never ending flask.

Beau took a sip, barely wincing at the burn.

"None of it was your fault, Beau. You told him what to expect at the beginning. He never had, nor will ever have a right to you." Caduceus sat next to her, putting his arm gently over her shoulder.

"Caduceus' right, Beau. It was super mean of him to do that." Jester took the pen from Caleb, moving closer to Beau. "You know, maybe my momma has heard of Kent, and we can go-"

"Kick his fuckin' ass." Fjord interrupted.

"We really don't have to go to all that trouble, guys. Plus, the Empire is kind of out to get us." Beau set down Nott's flask.

"You know, I don't think we mind. We can deal with the Empire as we go, and we'll have to go back at some point anyway. What else do we have to do right now, guys?" Yasha asked.

"Nothing much, I think." Jester tapped the pen against her teeth like she normally did with a lollipop. "I mean, we have to go to the Pillow Trove someday, which is in the Empire too, Beau, but neither of these things are super urgent, right? Like, maybe we can beat up Kent, and stop by the Pillow Trove on the way back, when we're finished here, and go to the Empire again?" Jester splayed out her hands, pen nearly flung away.

"Alright, so that is that plan?" Caleb looked towards Jester.

"Wai-" Beau started.

"Yep!" Jester grinned. "Oh, and maybe we can stop by your house and you can see your brother when we're in the Empire, too!"

"Yeah, okay." Head spinning, Beau grabbed Jester's shoulder, shaking her affectionately. It was nice to have good friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it's out of character or an overreaction, but this fic helped me to write and I hope it helps you to read.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't regret what I did, even if I feel guilty sometimes. I was genuinely afraid. And if you're out here in a similar situation, it's okay to tell whoever it is to get away. It's not worth being hurt.


End file.
